Negotiation skills to help you talk to “those people”

Here at Negotiate With Confidence, I’m focused on helping you have better conversations.

  1. Conversations that help you get more of what you want without being called “too aggressive” or bitchy;
  2. Conversations that help you get really clear about what’s important to you so that you can ask for what you want and feel great about it; and
  3. Conversations that help you find out more about the other people in your life so that you can help THEM get more of what they want.

That’s what a negotiation is!

Any conversation where you need to agree on something…deadlines, project specifications, who’s doing what by when, and WHAT’S ON THE MENU FOR THANKSGIVING!



The most wonderful time of the year 


(This post appeared on my blog last year, but it was so popular that I’m remixing it for 2018! Maybe it’s a tradition! See if you can find the things I added to make this post waaaaay better.)

According to Education World, there are 11 holidays we’re celebrating in November/December: Saint Nicholas Day (Christian), Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe (Mexican), St. Lucia Day (Swedish), Hanukkah (Jewish), Christmas Day (Christian), Three Kings Day/Epiphany (Christian), Boxing Day (Australian, Canadian, English, Irish), Kwanzaa (African American), Omisoka (Japanese), Yule (Pagan), and Saturnalia (Pagan).

With so many different holidays, this is the perfect time of year to get curious.

Getting curious is a powerful negotiation skill that will help you accomplish #3 above.



TRY THIS: Ask, “Do you celebrate any holidays this month? Which one(s)?” If someone celebrates a different holiday, you can learn something new. Ask,“what do you do to celebrate that holiday?”

That’s actually a great question for shared holidays, too, since we all celebrate in unique ways.

The most horrible time of the year 


I love the fun part of the holidays but get stressed out over end-of-year goals and deadlines at work: 4th quarter sales goals, end of year budget adjustments, quarterly professional goals, and my professional development money unspent…again.

(For this last one, I can help you out! Sign up now for the next Negotiate With Confidence class that starts in January and get your company to pay for it! Use your professional development budget or you lose it on December 31st. I’ll tell you exactly how to do it!)

And with information coming at us from so many directions…at work, at home, through email, Facebook, Instagram, twitter, while we’re struggling to keep up with the schedules for our kids with sports, music, theatre, dance; then of course, we try to find time to connect with our spouses, mange our overlapping work and travel schedules…it goes on and on. I’m exhausted just typing that sentence, forget about living it all!

[[Did you know that you can book time with me right on my website? Take action, plan for your negotiations, big and small with me HERE.]]

Conversations over the holidays

But the biggest source of stress over the holidays?

Talking to our families! 

I know, it’s crazy!  We need “discussion guides” to avoid talking about politics!

A more fun version of a the discussion guide is the friendly family game called Table Topics.

This game is great with friends and family, even those you think you know well. In fact, it may even be more fun with the people you know well because it encourages you all to reach deeper into your dreams and your memories to share stories that are not in regular rotation (I know I’m not the only person who brings out the same memories year after year to share around the table).

In fact, I was chatting with friend about this and she said, “You know, I think I’ll do that with my husband…we don’t make the time to talk about the interesting things that we used to talk about.”

So how about building a bridge with someone in your family, someone who you know you’ll see over the holidays, someone who voted differently than you did? Using a game like Table Topics can take the emotional edge off the holiday gatherings where you’ll have to be in the same room with people who think differently than you.

With eleven holidays happening over the next 6 weeks, when we are forced to be in the same room with “those people”, it is important to find things in common that will help us rebuild the bridges that connect us. At the very least, you’ll be able to make it through an otherwise impossible day!

TRY THIS: Use Table Topics to have new and different conversation with friends and family over the holidays.

Another benefit? The game will open your mind to new questions you can ask every day with everyone in your life.

When your coworker comes in with a last minute request, you’ll start getting curious instead of defensive. You can ask questions like, “Tell me more about the project” that will help you see where you can get creative.

Live it, learn it and love it! Share this to make our tribe thrive!

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