“People-Pleasers, this one’s for you”

I recently got an email from my friend and colleague, Brodie Welch. She’s a Holistic Self-Care Strategist and Licensed Acupuncturist with a fantastic podcast, A Healthy Curiosity.

A while back, Brodie and I had a lively discussion on the podcast about the ways our culture conditions women NOT to ask for the things they need and want.

If you’ve been wondering why you keep getting looked over for that promotion, why your partner doesn’t do the things you ask them to, or how to ask for that raise you know you deserve, this is the episode for you.

In our conversation, aptly called “How to Get What You Want,” Brodie and I talked about how women are statistically less likely to ask for a raise than men.

We talked about the ways our culture conditions women NOT to ask for the things they need and want. If you’ve been wondering why you keep getting looked over for that promotion, why your partner doesn’t do the things you ask them to, or how to ask for that raise you know you deserve, this is the episode for you.

In this episode, we explore:

  • How to ask for the things you want and need
  • What keeps women from asking
  • What people do to shrink themselves in conversations
  • How asking for what you want can actually create better connections, not dampen existing ones

LISTEN HERE: How to Get What You Want

But wait, there’s more! 
I was intrigued by a recent email from Brodie with the title in THIS email (yes, I copied it directly from Brodie!): “People-Pleasers, this one’s for you.”

In a recent episode, Brodie talks to Amy E. Smith on Perfectionism and People-Pleasing. Within the first minute Brodie captured my interest with this line, “Standing up for yourself without being a dick…” which is also the title of Amy’s book. I haven’t read the book yet but the interview really captured my fancy.

Here’s an excerpt from that email:
If you have a lot of Earth energy in your constitution — or as a learned survival strategy for getting through life — you likely value harmony, compassion, supporting and nurturing other people.

You might tend to put other people’s needs before your own, going along to get along, or pretending that you don’t have an opinion if voicing it might cause conflict.

(Yes, Brodie I DO! And I wrote about my struggles and some ideas for how to combat this HERE!)

And that all might be just fine and dandy. Until these behaviors start sewing the seeds of resentment and you find that where there was once sweetness now tastes oddly saccharine.

If that’s you, then you’ll want to hear this conversation I had with Amy E. Smith on Perfectionism and People-Pleasing. She pulls no punches. I appreciated her no-bullshit candor.

We all wear social masks that may have served us well at one point in life. If people-pleasing is yours, (an Earth strategy in Chinese Medicine) there’s no shame in knowing it and naming it. That’s the first step in seeing how it may well be blocking you from showing up authentically, sharing who you really are, and what you really think and feel.

Check it out and let me know what you thought on your journey to stand up for yourself!

Warmly,
Melissa

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